Justin Bieber Looking As Awful As He Feels

Once hailed as the new Prince of Pop, Justin Bieber has seen better days. “I have the stamina of a 70 year old woman,” Bieber lamented, “and the bone density to match.”

Years of hard partying are finally catching up to Bieber, the once young singer is due back in court Friday after he mistook the gas pedal for the brake and slammed into a local cafe.

Witnesses on the scene strongly suggest the accident was caused by an “intense amounts of tears” coming from the now defunct musicians eyes.

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